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« September 2013: “Cultivating Deposits in our Emotional Bank Account: Attending to the Little Things” | | November 2013: “Cultivating Deposits in our Emotional Bank Account: Apologizing Sincerely When We Make a Withdrawal” »

October 2013: “Cultivating Deposits in our Emotional Bank Account: Showing Personal Integrity”

Showing personal integrity is one of the most important ways we generate trust and create deposits into our emotional bank accounts with others. The word “integrity” is derived from the Latin word “integer” which means whole and complete. To be whole and complete in our communication means to be consistent and congruent in our words and our actions. When we do this, we are seen as a person of integrity. When we show up as incongruent – for example, if we publicly say one thing and do something else – our partner may experience confusion or worse, distrust. Given the possible repercussions, it is important that we practice being congruent and consistent in the messages we relay to others (both verbal and non-verbal), knowing that each experience either adds another brick to building trust or contributes to tearing it down.

In the coming month, pay particular attention to how you communicate to the various partners in your life. Practice asking yourself these series of questions before any exchange that you initiate: 1) How do I feel about this situation?, 2) What do I want?, and 3) How can I communicate this message clearly to send the intended message? If you are unclear about your feelings and your intentions, it’s best to wait and ‘sit’ with them until you feel more solid. Notice how acting from a place of integrity creates additional deposits in your relationship.

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