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August 2014: “Suspend Your Desire to Fix”
One of our most basic desires that shows up in our relationships is our desire to fix things. There is nothing wrong with wanting things to be done right, for our partners to have their problems solved, for desiring order in the midst of chaos. However, there is a bigger question to ponder. What is the consequence on our relationships when we always jump in to fix things? Most of the time, it’s that we miss the boat on truly serving our partner’s needs and helping them grow. By suspending our desire to fix, we create enough space to find out what’s really needed in the moment. Our partner may need deep listening, coaching to reframe the problem, or empowerment to solve the problem themselves. When we let go of being the one with the right answer, we invite a deeper level of partnership and collaboration, which allows us to let go of some of the weight we’re carrying.
In the next month, pay attention to your knee jerk desire to fix things in your relationship and take a pause. When you can catch yourself, take a breath, and try to see a 30,000 foot view of the situation. What are the true needs of your partner and how can you facilitate that? Notice what shifts occur in you and the relationship as a result.
Posted on August 1, 2014 3:39 PM Permalink
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- September 2014: “Communicate Authentically and Avoid Knee-Jerk Clichés”
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