tag:www.umbc.edu,2012:/blogs/wellness//67 2012-05-03T18:38:51Z Movable Type 3.34 tag:www.umbc.edu,2012:/blogs/wellness//67.15718 2012-05-03T18:14:16Z 2012-05-03T18:38:51Z

It’s easy to see all of the flaws and areas for improvement in our relationships. It’s also easy to allow ourselves, in seeing these things, to get stuck in a limited belief that things will always be this way. With...

Jill Wardell It’s easy to see all of the flaws and areas for improvement in our relationships. It’s also easy to allow ourselves, in seeing these things, to get stuck in a limited belief that things will always be this way. With this thought, our relationships either stagnate or decline, we give up hope for a different future, and begin making ‘all or nothing’ statements. Let’s step outside the domain of relationships for a moment and observe nature and the cycle of the seasons. Each season contains certain observable phenomena - germination, blossoming, harvesting, decay, composting, etc. Are the cycles that exist within our relationships that much different? If we stand back and simply observe with acceptance the peaks and valleys and all of the spaces in between, might we find true peace? It’s a practice worth trying out. This month, when you observe yourself in a rut in a particular relationship that feels hopeless, step outside this belief for a moment and take a long view. What cycle are you in and what is its purpose? How is it serving your own personal growth and the growth of your relationship? If there appears to be no movement happening, look again. What movement might be happening under the surface? What new possibilities emerge as you expand the way you see your relationship? tag:www.umbc.edu,2012:/blogs/wellness//67.15639 2012-03-30T21:03:31Z 2012-03-30T21:05:36Z

We all know how wonderful it is to receive acknowledgment and how this gift can create connection with our partners. The ability to offer sincere acknowledgment is a core capacity of healthy relationships and a skill we can grow. Think...

Jill Wardell We all know how wonderful it is to receive acknowledgment and how this gift can create connection with our partners. The ability to offer sincere acknowledgment is a core capacity of healthy relationships and a skill we can grow. Think back on a time when you received a heart-felt acknowledgment…what were the qualities of it? Chances are it was a very specific and well-observed piece of praise, not something generic and untrue. How might our relationships be different if we hone our senses and offer a piece of gratitude to our partner for something specific that is happening in the moment? In the next month, pay attention to the daily exchanges in your relationships. If you notice something you appreciate, instead of saying ‘thank you’ or noting internally how good they are at something, try being more specific and verbally offer what you appreciate in that moment. Not sure what words to use? Here are some suggestions: For expressing gratitude: ‘I always know I can count on you for X…that really matters to me.’ For sharing something that you appreciate about the essence of that person: ‘In your presence, life shows up for me as X (whatever quality arises).’ For offering a compliment: ‘It’s clear that X matters to you – you’re so good at that.’ These are some simple suggestions. Use your own words and pay attention to how your gift of gratitude is received! tag:www.umbc.edu,2012:/blogs/wellness//67.15445 2012-03-01T18:49:23Z 2012-03-02T06:03:25Z

This statement may be shocking because we spend most of our time with conflict focusing on getting to the bottom of ‘who done it.’ We mistakenly feel that if we find out who did “it,” we’ll have resolution and feel...

Jill Wardell Download file ]]> tag:www.umbc.edu,2012:/blogs/wellness//67.15444 2012-02-01T18:47:56Z 2012-02-02T01:29:55Z

A partnership-centered relationship is one that is aware of the power that words, actions, and behaviors have on creating the space that exists between two people. Partners who are aware of this power use their words carefully and act in...

Jill Wardell Download file ]]> tag:www.umbc.edu,2012:/blogs/wellness//67.15443 2012-01-01T18:44:31Z 2012-01-01T22:41:22Z

It’s a new year and a great time to reflect on and recommit to our relationships. In looking at the practices on this blog, I pulled out what I consider to be the top 3 transformational relationship practices and have...

Jill Wardell Download file ]]> tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.15425 2011-12-06T18:00:18Z 2011-12-06T18:01:01Z

As we move into the wintertime months, we can learn quite a bit from mother nature about how to have faith. What we see outside is stillness and decay, and yet, under the surface of the soil, there is a...

Jill Wardell As we move into the wintertime months, we can learn quite a bit from mother nature about how to have faith. What we see outside is stillness and decay, and yet, under the surface of the soil, there is a lot of activity and new life that is beginning. New seeds are germinating that will be born in the Spring and what’s required of us is patience and the ability to have faith in the unknown. Spring will eventually come and with it new life will be born. Are we that different from nature? Take a look at your relationships. You may see them as solid and fixed, resistant to change. How does the relationship and your partner show up in the presence of this limited story? What happens if you shift to see these relationships and people as evolving, with new seeds of possibility germinating all of the time? When we have faith in the unknown, we allow ourselves and others to evolve in time. Practice cultivating faith in the unknown in your relationships this month. How does this new way of seeing make a difference how you see and engage in your relationships? tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.15367 2011-11-02T22:12:20Z 2011-11-02T22:14:18Z

This month’s practice asks that you pay attention to the present moment in your relationships and use it to glean new ways of serving your relationships. Often we are so busy with acting and speaking in our habitual ways, that...

Jill Wardell This month’s practice asks that you pay attention to the present moment in your relationships and use it to glean new ways of serving your relationships. Often we are so busy with acting and speaking in our habitual ways, that we forget that these ways may not be serving our relationships. If we stop long enough to observe the dynamics of our relationships, we can see how we’ve co-created them and may be able to learn more effective ways of engaging. For example, if you are someone who has a tendency to be critical, begin noticing the effect that this way of being has on your relationship. Instead of continually operating in this way, ask yourself right now: ‘What is needed from me in order to serve this relationship right now?’ The answer to this question will be different moment to moment. It may be that acknowledgment is needed, it may be that an apology is needed, etc. When you’re clear as to what is needed, offer that, and notice the impact that this has on your relationship. This month, begin observing the dynamics of your relationships and design new ways to engage in them. Remember that what you design needs to serve the present moment. It’s important to cultivate the ability to shift into new ways that will serve the next moment. A wise teacher once told me “there’s no one ‘me’ to be.” Begin seeing yourself as expansive this month, capable of many ways of engaging with others. Then try new ways out as you feel called. Observe the difference and recalibrate as necessary. How are your relationships served from your enhanced flexibility of being? tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.15312 2011-09-30T20:41:04Z 2011-09-30T20:41:27Z

This month’s practice is all about self-care, with the intention being to acknowledge all the ways that you tend to the various relationships in your life. Our brains are inherently negative and it can be easy to see the areas...

Terri Werner shewbrid This month’s practice is all about self-care, with the intention being to acknowledge all the ways that you tend to the various relationships in your life. Our brains are inherently negative and it can be easy to see the areas that need work in our relationships. We focus on what’s not working and miss all of the gems by ignoring the areas that are working beautifully. What if we instead pause here and reflect on what we are doing to co-create these healthy relationships? What do we do regularly, either by way of our actions, our words, or our presence, to tend to these relationships? The fruits of our efforts are apparent and it’s time to celebrate them! When we can see these things clearly, we can see how far we’ve come and can see the possibilities for future growth that lie ahead. This month, begin examining relationships that are working well. Get clear on what causes these relationships to work. What part do you play and how does that part matter? Allow your attention to rest here and savor all of the worthy work that you have already done. What lessons have you learned about relationships in the process and how might these lessons be applied to those relationships that are more challenging? tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.15244 2011-09-01T19:39:16Z 2011-09-01T19:46:06Z

This practice is one that I received from a teacher of mine and one that works particularly well helping us become peaceful with our most challenging of partners. He said: “In life, when you find yourself in the company of...

Jill Wardell This practice is one that I received from a teacher of mine and one that works particularly well helping us become peaceful with our most challenging of partners. He said: “In life, when you find yourself in the company of someone who really pushes your buttons, instead of moving away from this person, go sit right next to them and get curious. Ask the question: ‘How is this person my teacher?’ If you can become peaceful with them, you can become peaceful with another segment of the world’s population.” The truth is that we will encounter this type of person over and over again in the various domains of our lives. Wouldn’t be nice to be able to make peace with these characters and to learn on a deeper level how these relationships help us grow? In the next month, spend time getting close and curious about your adversaries. Pay attention to what it is in their presence that rubs you the wrong way and see this as another way of being that’s important in the world. What does this person care deeply about? Practice being compassionate for this person for they, too, are a learner and are doing the best they can with the tools they have. Notice how this shift in perspective shifts your view of this person and your ability to be with and/or work with them. Does this relationship improve as a result? tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.15167 2011-07-29T21:27:43Z 2011-07-29T21:28:20Z

How often have you noticed your negative mood affect your own happiness and the happiness of others? Moods have an inherent viral effect…once embodied by someone, they can quickly spread through a family, an office, communities, countries, etc. At some...

Jill Wardell How often have you noticed your negative mood affect your own happiness and the happiness of others? Moods have an inherent viral effect…once embodied by someone, they can quickly spread through a family, an office, communities, countries, etc. At some point someone either consciously or unconsciously designed that mood and the design made a positive or a negative impact. Moods are created by particular events that happen in our lives that have emotional significance. We have a choice when we encounter these emotions: we can see them as temporary or long lasting. If we see our situation as long lasting, we create a story that our situation ‘is the way it is,’ and we begin to embody a mood. The question is to determine what impact that mood has on you and the various partners in your life. If it’s a negative mood and you don’t like the negative impact you see, how might you shift the mood to one that’s more effective and life-affirming for you and others? Notice what happens over the next month as you observe your various moods. How do they positively and negatively impact you and your relationships? Try shifting a negative mood. What do you notice in how you feel and how others perceive you? Do your relationships improve as a result? tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.15118 2011-06-30T15:27:50Z 2011-06-30T15:28:32Z

Learning to effectively deliver difficult feedback in a way that preserves relationships is both a science and an art. The structure is important – what you say, where, and when you say it – this is the science. The art...

Jill Wardell Download file ]]> tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.15063 2011-05-26T15:43:52Z 2011-05-26T15:44:49Z

Perhaps the linguistic tool that has the most potential to affect our identity is our ability to make and manage our promises. Promises always happen in relation to others and they are the way that we collectively take action and...

Jill Wardell Download file ]]> tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.14985 2011-04-28T19:43:25Z 2011-04-28T19:44:10Z

One of the relationship-building linguistic tools that we have in our tool belt is our ability to make offers. When we make an offer to someone, we put ourselves forward to assist another in a situation where we perceive something...

Jill Wardell Download file ]]> tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.14811 2011-04-04T14:10:50Z 2011-04-19T13:56:35Z

One of the elements of language that impacts our relationships is requests. There is a strong correlation between the requests we make and trust. When we make vague requests, we diminish the chances of others being able to fulfill them,...

Jill Wardell Download file ]]> tag:www.umbc.edu,2011:/blogs/wellness//67.14653 2011-03-04T21:30:25Z 2011-03-04T21:32:17Z

Last month we talked about the distinction between assessments (our opinions and interpretations) and assertions (facts that are validated by our community to be true). One of the challenges we face in our relationships is our tendency to make ‘ungrounded’...

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