Humor
More Things Your Coxswain Should Never Say
- We may have the smallest arms, but we're the hairiest!
- Oh well, we can always get a new boat.
- Oh well, you guys never liked the bowman too much anyway.
- Man, it's a good thing I brought along this life jacket!
- That's it. I'm outta here. You guys are on your own.
- Does anyone know which way it is back to the bay?
- Starboards, lighten up. We've just been rowing in a big circle.
- Take a ten...no, a five...oh never mind.
- OK, we've rowed all seven for awhile. Six, it's your turn to row now. Everybody else, set the boat.
- OK, that's it for the stroke. Seven, throw him overboard and pull his oar in.
- Do you think that gun is pointing at us?
- Everybody weigh enough. Bow and 2-seat, you have each other's oars. Exchange them now.
- OK, that last drill didn't work. Turn the boat back over and we'll try again.
- Why does that helicopter have those floodlights trained on us?
- OK, pull it into the bank. We're going to have to portage.
- Six, put that fishing pole away.
- OK everybody, now it's your turn to bruise the kidneys of the man BEHIND you.
- My name is Andre. I'm a former Pro Wrestling star from France. I'm your new coxswain.
- I have no idea what your seat numbers are, so I'm going to have to call you by name.
- In my 15 years of coxing, this is absolutely the worst rowing I have ever seen.
- There's room for the keg in the back.
- Don't worry about it, it's just a splashboard.
- If we row fast enough, not too much water will come into the hole.
- To the Batcave, Robin!
- Let's have 10 for everybody putting their blades in the water.
- Just really YANK it!
- Everybody PANIC!!!
- All eight, get set to flail furiously, in two...
- Power 20 through the bridge...One, Two. You know, this reminds me of a funny story about a dog I once had...
- wonder what kind of submarine has a periscope like that?
- We're going to try out the new on-shore remote control mechanism today.
- How many times have I told you, it's "Puke OPPOSITE your rigger!"
- Well it was nice knowing all of you. Do you believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost?
- Is that a mushroom cloud off port?
- Well, that wasn't bad. I guess you can take your blindfolds off now.
- Is that Bruce Willis coming towards us?
- Oh, just slap it in.
- Single strokes on this one: Drive, catch, finish!!!
- Remember to push WAY down on those handles during the recovery.
Before the Race:
- Why are all you guys facing backwards?
- Set those stretchers all the way forward! I want you to RAM into those frontstops!
- Remember, anybody who's wearing socks get thrown in.
- OK, we lost to those 12 year old girls last week, but I suspect some of them were on steroids.
- Everybody listen up. I'm going to hypnotize you into rowing a better race.
- Since we're so small, I figure we're going to have to row the body of the race at 48.
- They might not notice if we jump the start.
- The only we're going to win this is if we rig it as an Octuple Scull.
- Everybody pay CLOSE ATTENTION to the other boats!!!
During the Race:
- What does "hasta la vista" mean?
- Keep going! We'll make it to the finish line THIS time!
- (In a 2000m race) Five minutes down, five minutes to go!
- Keep going, I think I can still see them off in the distance!
- Their jerseys ARE white, they just appear like that because they're redshirted.
- We can probably salvage last place...
- Are those men or women in the boat next to ours?
- If we keep rowing like this, we'll definitely make it onto America's Funniest Home Videos this time!
- (Referring to your opponents) They're old! They're weak!
- Everyone quiet. I'm concentrating on summoning spirits.
- Row hard. Harder. Harder now. Still harder. Harder yet. OK, that's hard enough.
- ROW FASTER!!!
- That's EXCELLENT work! Oh sorry, I was watching another boat.
- When did they build THAT bridge?
- You guys might as well take your shirts off right now.
After the Race:
- Don't stop just because it's the finish line! You guys need to get to the showers ASAP!
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