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« Power-Up Friday | Main | It is Good to Remember »

October 12, 2008 |Permalink |Comments (7)

Surplus Safety

Too many people and organizations fail to understand that too much safety damages human growth potential. Well, we seem to get it when it comes to young people and their "helicopter parents."


Not so much with older people.

Comments ( 7)

After listening to several of the pieces on helicopter parents, I am reminded of the article we read in class concerning Coach Fitz. I believe that the essence of what Coach Fitz was attempting to address was the very issues raised by the helicopter parents - kids need to be taught to handle failure and accept responsibility. Helicopter parents and their overprotective behavior inhibit and stunt childrens' growth in these areas. Is this why there is an increase in adult children returning to live with their parents today?

Posted by ann mccallum
October 13, 2008 7:29 PM

Happy Birthday Dr. Thomas!

I wonder whether this kind of excessive involvement by boomer parents in their children's lives will create a new reciprocal expectation between children and their aging parents in the decades to come. If it does, will it be positive? Or will this new expectation further blur the line between adulthood and elderhood as boomer parents continue to exert themselves in their children's lives?

Posted by Nich
October 13, 2008 9:25 PM

Funny how prior to our discussion in class this weekend, I really did think that solving all our elders day to day problems or "fixing" things for them created a stress free environment which would free them to enjoy life. Instead we have created a sterile, vanilla environment. I am speaking about seniors living in their homes as well as those in health care facilities. No challenges, no excitement. Not the life I would want...take the ups and downs of life over that any day.

Posted by Sheila Mack [TypeKey Profile Page]
October 14, 2008 8:14 PM

Dr. Bill,

I am sorry that I did not see you in Philadelphia (although I was among the thousands) to wish you a happy birthday.

This piece rung very familiar. I am always amazed at some of the "over-involvement" some of my peer baby boomer parent friends have with their children. When I first observed this behaviors I questioned my own parenting, but knew in my gut that I needed to not turn myself over 100% to my role as a parent. I am very concernced for helicopter parents when they have to let go of their role of parenting a child. They seem to be hanging on with all fours to have this role last forever. Their own transisiton into "being" not doing will probably be a touch one.

Lynette

Posted by nicobridge
October 16, 2008 12:43 PM

What is interesting for me in this clip is that kids are seeking this level of involvement from their parents and these boomer parents are going along with this level of dependence.

How will these young adults learn to handle failure?

Even more amazing is that Companies have accepted and embraced this level of dependence from their potential candidate and still feel as if they are getting the best candidate for the job.

It is scary for me to envision that these young adults will someday be leaders of some very powerful companies.

Posted by Barhar1
October 18, 2008 2:31 PM

Hum,

I agree with all, overall it is wrong. I have a highly functioning disabled 25 year old (& 20 year old that has been "on his own" for quite some time)and Kris and I have been advocates for her. Kris has had a hard time to "let go". I have pushed and she has pulled. I see and feel both sides of the line.

Despite being there for her we will not always and kids need to learn to fly. I can see why some parents,and we see it allot, want their babies to continue to be babies.

What IS going to happen to them? I bet they (the KIDS) will not do the same for their parents. Time will tell.

Just like kids, young adults, us and our, as Bill says, elders or older adults need to continue to fly as long as they can.

Posted by Joe Podson
October 20, 2008 8:18 PM

As a numerical (and otherwise) Boomer AND GenXer, I've observed that the helicopter syndrome is not unique to Boomers. In fact, I see this behavior MORE with GenX parents I know (perhaps because they're second-generation hoverers?).

Surplus Safety is such an insipid thing. For me, "fixing" things and preventing bad outcomes for my children (AND elders) is a regular temptation. But I've come to believe that it's more selfish than altruistic. Often, I feel the tug when I anticipate the discomfort of worry or lack the patience to allow the other person to "get there" on their time table, rather than mine.

I took parenting classes that explained how damaging the helicopter impulse is and offered strategies to keep it at bay (check out the Love & Logic Institute - good stuff!). Some parents were back for their 2nd and 3rd refresher course - it's tough to work hovering out of the repertoire. But it's so necessary for children to develop solid decisionmaking ability, coping skills and confidence in themselves.

Hovering over our elders has similar affects that can be devastating to their quality of life. Perhaps because this behavior is more popularly associated with children, the lines seem clearer on where that Safety Surplus begins. I'm looking forward to learning more about how to determine what truly is surplus for elders.

Posted by CC Andrews [TypeKey Profile Page]
October 21, 2008 4:33 AM

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